Hi… It’s been a while. I have opened the draft of this email and rewritten it over and over again, trying to find the words. The last time I updated this newsletter was a review of May 2023. Since then, my life has been a whirlwind. I thought that if I could not share a happy and thriving Ry, then I should not share one at all. The truth is that I was unsettled and I was happy. The two things can co-exist. I share just enough of myself here, careful not to give all of her away. This is an important rule for me in general. I don’t regret not updating this but I am happy to be back in a way that prioritizes me and my sanity.
I spent my entire summer lying on my ex-girlfriend’s bedroom floor and throwing a tantrum. And then seven months came and went. It was strange to be suspended in the in-between all of August, the midwestern sun scorching my neck. I hunted for apartments like it was my full-time job and once I found a place to call home, time flew by.
I suffered intense writer’s block. The turmoil of my romantic and financial life causing a subsequent whiplash provided nothing for me in terms of inspiration. I always thought that I was someone who wrote best in the depths of despair but now that I have worked through these things, I find myself unable to keep the words off the page. Whenever I am deep into writer’s block, I am convinced that I will never escape. I must go experience to write. Adjunctly, I must sit with myself. Introspection and experience make way for growth which, in turn, provides freedom to express everything thoughtfully in hindsight.
To be in my mind allows me to sift through old files until the new ones are processed and I can finally talk about them. More importantly, the reflection, pondering, and thoughtfulness allow me to heal. Recognizing the past as the past helps me differentiate between an action and an emotion. It leaves it there. I cannot go back, I cannot change what I know now.
Here I am, writing to you but for me this time around. I’m confident that it is better this way. It will find who needs to hear it anyway.
What I am reading
Scattered All Over the Earth - Yoko Tawada The first of a trilogy. I enjoyed it but that may have been due to my interest in linguistic studies.
The Girls - John Bowen Love cottage-core lesbians.
Dogs of Summer - Andrea Abreu Predictable but still so cutting.
DeTransition, Baby! - Torrey Peters SO funny.
***Reader Recommendations***
I Love You So Much It’s Killing Us Both - Mariah Stovall
Let Us Descend - Jesmyn Ward
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
House of Leaves - Mark Z. Danielewsk
Crying in H Mart - Michelle Zauner
The Nickel Boys - Colson Whitehead
The Neopolitan Novels - Elena Ferrante
The Last Pomegranate Tree - Bachtyar Ali
What I am listening to
Light On - Dehd - To me, nothing feels like summer is on the horizon like a new Dehd release. The single “Mood Ring” and its follow-up, “Light On” have been on a hopeful repeat in my playlist.
Hazel English - When I was 18, I drove to Chicago while listening to her debut album, the summer sunshine beating in through my windows. This time around, I listened to her newer music, “Real Life” and “Blue Light”. I am always reaching for what once was and this time, I feel like I am reclaiming her music for who I am now, 7 years later.
Where we’ve been, Where we go from here - Friko - This Chicago band’s debut album was so timely in my personal life. It has touched me so deeply and I listen to the entirety of it approximately three times a week. I needed it now, I have to have it. If you listen to any of my recommendations, please let it be this one.
Fool - Adrienne Lenker - Another timely release. All three singles that she has released are jabs to my heart and sound a little bit like letting go while my other hand is white-knuckling the hell out of it.
You can find my playlist with these songs, albums, your recommendations, and more here: what is going on right now?
***Reader Recommendations***
Lana Del Rey
Creep - Glee Cover
Raye - NPR Tiny Desk
Lykke Li
Memories - Kid Cudi
Artist to follow/who I am loving
Bedroomer (Musician) - So beautiful, so sweet.
Jake Minch (Musician) - ouchie on my heart.
***Reader Recommendations***
Raye
Addie (duh) on instagram @addiedrawsfish
What I am watching
Love is Blind - I really did try but gave up after a few episodes because it annoyed me.
Tiny Desk Concerts - All of them, cannot stop.
The Real World - Season 3, San Fran 1994. Inarguably the saddest season BUT we have lost what reality tv is truly about. NO goal, just 7 people living in the real world under the same roof. Such a vibe. The drama is so silly.
***Reader Recommendations***
Bad Girls Club (Season 6)
Glee
Nature Documentaries
Substacks you should be reading…
Words from Eliza - Eliza Mclamb - I first knew of Eliza as a musician. Having enjoyed her music, I was thoroughly delighted to find this gem.
***Reader Recommendations***
Words from Eliza
That’s the month. Maybe something will happen in March that will be so big and explosive. Or maybe I will still be consuming media, writing about it, and settling into Ry–whoever she is.